Friday, March 30, 2012

Finally! What's Been On My Mind For Months...

Yes, this is an ultrasound picture. 

And, yes, this baby is inside my belly 
right now. 

And, hence the crafty blue border, this baby
is a boy. 

I am normally not awake past 9pm on most nights these days (weekends included), but tonight I can hardly lie still (let alone sleep) I am so excited. My head is just too full of thoughts:

What will he look like?
What will he act like?
Will he have a speech impediment? If so, will it be endearing or obnoxious?
Will he have webbed toes?
Will he bat right or left handed?

 I'll spare everyone the token genitalia shot as I am fully aware that little thing is only "cute" and "precious" to Brock and me, but the sweet (somewhat alien like) creature inside of me is most definitely a boy. I'm proud to say I called it right from the beginning. From the day we found out this baby was a brewin', I have repeatedly insisted that it is a little boy. In fairness this might be because I have three younger brothers- from my experience, babies are always boys. Although Brock had to take on the team girl role (you know, just to make things more fun) even he admitted that he had been picturing a boy the whole time. We'd have been thrilled either way, but deep down it's kind of nice knowing I was right. Mommy's intuition?

Here are some fun facts to illustrate my pregnancy thus far:

Looking back, I realize I have been extremely lucky. Not once have I thrown up. Knock on wood. (I just did a few light taps on our ikea coffee table, although I suspect it is made of cheap particle board and not real wood, so if I suddenly become violently ill, we'll know why.) From about week 8 to week 15 or so, I felt that crappy "carsick" feeling on and off all day, but never enough to justify leaving work. (Dang it.) I also felt really, REALLY tired all the time. You know that "Nyquil hangover" feeling you get after a night of aided sleep? That's how I felt all the time.

Pregnancy has had a sort of gastric bypass effect on my stomach. Until recently, I had a hard time eating more than a little bit of food at a time. For those of you who know my eating habits, this is VERY hard to believe. (I tend to value quantity in a meal- my favorite food is literally "any salad bar".) But it's true- for a while, the smallest amounts of food would just fill me up. Has pregnancy magically gotten me skinny? Nope, on the contrary my friend. When all you want to eat is cheese, gummy candy, more cheese and lightly sweetened carbs, those few calorie dense bites add up FAST. For better or worse, now my stomach is back to full capacity and I've been completely taking advantage of the increased caloric intake that is recommended for the second trimester.

I am about 19 weeks along. Almost halfway there! I really started "showing" at about 17 weeks or so, but looked awkward and bloated for a few weeks before that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you need to suck in all the time (especially after hitting up a salad bar) and it is such a relief to be able to let it all hang out. I don't wear maternity pants yet- I've basically been living my life with my pants constantly unbuttoned/unzipped, covered up with this stretchy "belly band" product I found at target. I suspect it won't last too much longer, but so far it has worked like a charm.

I am hot. All the time. And living in Phoenix? It's only gonna get worse. I can't sleep without an oscillating fan mere feet from my head. That's in addition to the ceiling fan and open windows. Before, I could sleep anywhere at any time. Airplanes, church pews, school desk- you name it, I've napped there. But now it is getting really hard to get comfy. I have to sleep with a pillow in between my legs, which I switch out periodically throughout the night because it gets hot. Sort of the same effect as flipping over your pillow. Someone needs to invent a perpetually cold pillow. I'd pay big bucks for that. 

Nothing makes me happier these days than picturing Brock as a dad. Sometimes I just want to cry when I think about it. Other times I actually do cry! I didn't think it was possible to love my husband any more than I do, but when I think of him holding our sweet little boy, I just get this overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for him. Brock is the most amazing husband ever. He is the most hard working, kind, patient selfless person I know. I know he would do anything for me, and now for our baby as well. I know I can't even comprehend the feelings I'll have once this baby is born, but I am pretty dang excited to find out.

Finally, I am just so grateful that soon I will get to be a mom. And Brock will be a dad. It's kind of humbling to think that we are actually going to be someone's parents. Brock and I are allowed to be responsible for another human life! I feel like I'm still a child myself sometimes. I mean, my ipod is filled with Disney songs (three words: Goofy Movie Soundtrack) and I consider an entire box of Toaster Strudel to be an acceptable dinner. I actually had a miscarriage last fall, which, as hard as it was, was sort of a blessing. I wasn't very far along and we hadn't told many people, so as far as these things go, it was relatively minor. But it completely brought Brock and me closer together and it has honestly made me realize what miracles pregnancy and childbirth are. I will never take my body's ability to do this for granted. I literally pray every day in gratitude for this little baby. I feel so lucky that he is ours to keep! 

Oh, one more thing. Here is an extremely scary picture of our baby's face. Apparently ultrasounds only pick up on the skull layer of the face or something. At least, I hope that is the case, because at this point, our baby looks an awful lot like Voldemort.

I'm sure it's a lot cuter when you can see it's skin. ;)