Apparently I have so many deep, meaningful thoughts swirling around up here that just one "reflection on married life" blog post just isn’t going to cut it.
I previously went off about how marriage hasn’t been different at all and how much life hasn’t changed. This stuff is all true. But with Brock being gone so much playing baseball, my situation often temporarily reverts back to “Single Carolyn”. Being "Married Carolyn" in "Single Carolyn's" life has made me aware of the presence of at least one small change...
I have always considered myself to be quite impulsive. A quick Target run for chapstick and gum once ended in a full fledged shopping spree; I left the store only after forking out half a paycheck for a new bedspread/sheet set, a church dress, shoes, shampoo, an air freshener, a lamp and some Flinstone gummy vitamins. (Which I’m pretty sure I polished off by the time I got home. I love gummy vitamins- they’re totally justifiable candy.) Oh, I also got the lip gloss and gum, in case you were wondering. There have been far too many instances like this in my life. And this impulsive behavior doesn’t only occur while shopping. One time I cut my own bangs merely ten minutes after watching a Neutrogena commercial that featured a cute, indy looking girl with blunt cut bangs. The result? I looked like someone got drunk and cut my hair with a samurai sword. Heaven forbid I wait a day and let a pro tackle the job for 10 bucks.
Well, I recently went shopping one solo afternoon to kill some time. I figured I deserved a little indulgence, being the strong, enduring baseball widow that I was. My drug of choice? Forever 21, of course. There is nothing more satisfying than finding the perfect gem of a shirt for $10, even if you have to spend hours rifling through piles of unorganized, bejeweled/tasseled garments first. Oddly enough, once I got to Forever 21, I couldn’t seem to get myself to actually buy anything. There were plenty of fine garments worthy of my purchase. Believe me, I wanted to go all out and spoil myself with this poor quality, but affordable/trendy crap.This was therapy, dang it! This was my loneliness coping mechanism! I puttered around the store for hours, my arms full of potential purchases, deliberating. I made a few unsuccessful attempts to try on a confusing drapey/pirate-ish looking shirt, but it was impossible to distinguish the arm holes from the neck hole on this thing. I somehow managed to put it on sideways about three different times, before aborting that mission. I finally gave up and dropped everything on a random shelf, making those Forever 21 employees work for their 7.25 an hour. I just couldn’t pull the trigger on those $1.50 necklaces! And as comfy as they looked, I just couldn't trick myself into believing that those $10.50 workout pants wouldn't completely change shape after one washing. This new found maturity and sensibility was really throwing me off. Since when have I not completely enjoyed spending money? The answer to that? Since I met Brock. Brock is the ultimate typical accounting major. Every transaction we make is accounted for in a detailed spreadsheet. The fact that I am reminded of our bank account balance every time I log onto the computer eliminates that "out of sight, out of mind" spending mentality that I've always known so well. I love this about Brock and more importantly, I need this. Who knows what will happen with my bangs in the future, but I can confidently say that my impulse shopping habits have been (mostly) kicked. For the record, I did end up leaving with a pair of earrings, a tank top and some serious buyer’s remorse. Who would have thought I would feel guilty over a $13 purchase? Well, I’m proud to say I did.